So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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