Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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