Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dear god my vagina.
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