i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize