she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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