If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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