i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
