2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
