She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
