I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize