I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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