My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We have started to decorate penises.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
