my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
