At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dick very happy bro
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
