The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
