no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize