She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
