OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
