I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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