So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
