And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
false alarm, still single
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
