the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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