I love black thongs
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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