I will die if light touches me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize