4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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