Everything about him screamed your future.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
