I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize