I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
