I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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