Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
