Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
