youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
