I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
