Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
