I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
