Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize