I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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