Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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