does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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