you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
