Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
