ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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