How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
