you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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