she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
