I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
