Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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