I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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