Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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