god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
