I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
