Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
