wat bout pragnant strippers??
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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