First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
