belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i need some magic done to my vagina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
