Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do vagina's smell?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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