Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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