i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
