Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
