Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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