Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
