i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She told me I should be a condom model.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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