When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
