I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
