About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
