My sheets look like a crime scene.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
