I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
