took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
