I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize